A BRIEF COMPARISON OF THE UESSIAN AND AFFILIATIONIST TIMELINES

When the Constitution was declared null and void in 1800 by Ludwig Kovaleski, Thomas Paine recommended that a new calendar be established to commemorate the new beginning. Kovaleski's birthdate in 1746, 1776 (the date of the Declaration of Independence), and 1492 were all suggested, but it was decided to begin in 1800 old style, to make the arithmetic easier. So 1800 AD became the year 1 Novus Ordo Seclorum. (Right, they began with one instead of zero, so they got the arithmetic fouled up anyway.)

AD	NOS	STUFF THAT HAPPENED
1776	-23	Declaration of Independence
1783	-16	Revolution over
1787	-12	Constitution adopted. Everybody baffled
1789	-10	Washington elected President. Soon takes to bed with toothache.
1790	-9	Washington dies of toothache. Adams becomes President, imprisons Dr. Ludwig Kovaleski, Washington's dentist, for treason
1792	-7	Adams re-elected (first whole term).
1794	-5	Jefferson resigns as Vice-President, demands investigation of Washington's death, hints that Adams may be involved in cover-up. Adams impeached in House of Representatives, but resigns before he can be brought to trial. Congress meets again to choose an interim President. Federalist cabal prevents election of Jefferson, Betsy Ross is chosen as compromise candidate.
1796	-3	Ross re-elected (first full term). President Ross designs new military uniforms for the armed forces.
1797	-2	President Ross calls for banning of the "Don't Tread On Me" flag, on the grounds that snakes are icky. The nation grumbles. Jefferson and Franklin denounce Ross as a "super-patriotic flag-waver." Ross impeached but acquitted.
1799	0	Kovaleski, still in prison, reveals the "Constitutional typo," and confesses that he actually did murder Washington, but only to prevent a "Constitutional Tyranny." Jefferson and Paine side with him. Federalists talk of denying nomination to Ross in 1800.
1800	1	Know-A-Little Party nominates Kovaleski for President. Federalists get mixed up and nominate George Ill, who declines. Kovaleski elected unanimously, delcares Constitution "null and void," promises to "play it by ear" as President.
1801	2	Kovaleski formulates "Principles of Good Government." They are printed on the Franklin Press as a blank book. Jefferson annoys Kovaleski until he abolishes slavery.
1802	3	Secretary of Straightening Messes Out Monroe attempts to send freed slaves back to Africa, but in the confusion sends them to Afghanistan. British Government falls.
1804	5	Kovaleski re-elected (second term). Franklin invents the hand grenade. Jefferson still stewing about whether "a more nearly perfect union" would sound okay.
1806	7	British start pestering American shipping. Franklin invents "Mr. Microphone." Improved communications enable American warships to drive British admirals crazy. British Government falls.
1807	8	Jefferson misses slaves, turns plantation into theme park.
1808	9	Kovaleski re-elected (third term). Franklin invents cordless phone, loses it somewhere.
1812	13	Kovaleski retires to a mountaintop in Nepal. Mike Fink elected President. Franklin and Jefferson jointly invent the frisbee.
1814	15	Franklin invents Mormonism, is killed by first wife.
1816	17	Fink re-elected (second term). Joint paper on evolution and bird language published jointly by John Dolittle, M.D. and Polynesia the Parrot. British Government falls
1817	18	Jefferson takes time out from trying to invent the slinky toy to call for bird liberation. Dolittle immigrates to the Affiliation. British Government falls.
1820	21	Jefferson elected. Vice-President Dolittle perfects tongue-splitting techniques to enable birds to talk. 11th Amendment declares all talking birds citizens.
1822	23	First turkey elected to Congress.
1824	25	Jefferson re-elected (second term). Aaron Burr invents the game show.
1826	27	Jefferson dies in office. Dolittle assumes Presidency.
1828	29	Dolittle elected (first whole term).
1830	31	First ping-pong paddle with ball attached by rubber string (Tupelo, Mississippi).
1833	34	Dolittle dies in office. Daniel Webster assumes Presidency.
1834	35	Rossite comeback attempted in Chicago. Defeated by promising Rossite leaders jobs with the city.
1835	36	Webster hit in face by pie. Kills assailant.
1836	37	Denouncing Webster's grammatical policies (he got him mixed up with Noah Webster), Kovaleski returns from Nepal and defeats Webster. Texans declare independence from Mexico. Pocahontas Lurleen born at the Alamo. Santa Anna gives up and heads south.
1840	41	Kovaleski retires again, this time to a condo in the South of France. Edgar Allan Poe elected President. Whew!
1841	42	Santa Anna comes to Affiliated States to negotiate status of Texas. President Poe seals him into basement room with bricks.
1842	43	Young Queen Victoria, on a visit to Avon, is pecked to death by kamikaze swans. British Government falls.
1843	44	Fighting cock uprising in Mexico. President Poe reads "The Raven" on battlefield, Mexicans are stricken with remorse for the way they've been treating birds. Mexico ceases hostilities, joins Affiliation. Poe cracks up. Davy Crockett assumes Presidency.
1844	45	Crockett elected (first full term).
1846	47	Exploding cigar invented. Rossites take over Harvard University. All students leave.
1848	49	Kovaleskiite revolutions all over Europe. British Government falls. John James Audubon elected President.
1850	51	Velcro nunchucks invented.
1851	52	Audubon dies in office. Woodsy Owl assumes Presidency.
1852	53	Owl elected (first full term). Capital moved to Capistrano.
1856	57	Owl re-elected (second term). Antarctica joins Affiliation.
1859	60	Automatic shotgun invented.
1860	61	John Wilkes Booth elected. Canary Islands join Association.
1861	62	Doppler invents the motion picture. British Government falls.
1863	64	President Booth stars in The Life of Ludwig Kovaleski. Repeating dagger invented.
1864	65	Booth re-elected (second term). Stars in Birth of a Non-Nation.
1867	68	Alaska purchased by Antarctican consortium
1868	69	Booth re-elected (third term). Stars in The Birds.
1869	70	British Government falls. British Empire collapses. Ireland doesn't feel comfortable that way, asks Kaiser to take it over and oppress it. President Booth stars in Bedtime for Polly.
1870	71	Czar of Russia declares himself a Rossite.
1871	72	Young Nicola Tesla flies to Moon and back. Nobody believes him.
1872	73	Booth re-elected (fourth term). Stars in From the Earth to the Moon.
1873	74	Booth assassinated by Tesla. Sam Clemens assumes Presidency. Thomas Edison invents x-ray spectacles.
1874	75	Edison invents play-dough. Franco-Prussian war begins a few years late because I forgot to mention it until now.
1875	76	Russia invaded and defeated by Albania. Rossites flee to Kuwait.
1876	77	Clemens elected (first full term).
1878	79	Edison invents pogo stick.
1879	80	Edison invents transformer toys.
1880	81	Clemens retires. Edison elected
1881	82	Martian invasion. Martians eat everybody in China. Edison invents the Saturday-Night Special. Afghan-African volunteer forces kill Martian invaders and eat them.
1882	83	Captured Martian vessels studied and duplicated. President Edison builds fleet, attacks Mars. Martians surrender, join Affliation.
1884	85	Edison re-elected (second term).
1886	87	Former President Clemens publishes All Quiet Along the Mississippi. Affiliated States include all of North American except Manhattan, Antarctica, the Canary Islands, Mars and Madagascar (the Dodo Republic.)
1888	89	Edison retires. P. T. Barnum elected.
1889	90	Ludwig Kovaleski dies on Mt. Shasta. World mourns.
1891	92	Barnum dies in office. Roy Bean assumes Presidency. President Bean narrowly avoids assassination by his pet bear, "Winnie." Next time the bear gets him. Bean dies in office. Lillie Langtry assumes Presidency.
1892	93	William Jennings Bryan burned at stake. Oscar Wilde elected Pope. Langtry elected (first full term).
1894	95	Italy goes Baptist. Great Britain partitioned between Ireland and France. China resettlement begins, led by Captain Jim Watson of Kabul.
1896	97	Langtry retires. Nellie Bly elected President.
1897	98	Ireland and West England join Association. Rubik's Cube invented.
1900	101	Affiliation trades Lieutenant Theodore Roosevelt to Spain for Cuba and three outfielders. Bly re-elected.
1901	102	Little plastic figures with a spring and a suction cup that unexpectedly POP! up from the table are invented. Carrier pigeon draft abolished.
1903	104	Rossite regime in Spain.
1904	105	Bly retires. Annie Oakley elected. Albanian-Japanese war mediated by Premier Booker T. Washington of China.
1908	109	Oakley re-elected (second term). Kaiser Wilhelm invades West England. President Oakley leads the "Sidesaddle Legion" to Berlin. Kaiser deposed. Hugo Gernsback becomes German Chancellor.
1911	112	Theodore Herzl visits Palestine, doesn't like the way it smells, leads Jews to Jupiter, says "They'll get used to the gravity."
1912	113	Sacco elected President, is challenged to duel by Vice-President Vanzetti, and they kill each other. Congress chooses Festus Hagen President.
1913	114	Woodrow Wilson, an obscure college professor, writes first "alternate world" utopian novel, describing a society with a wise government which modifies human behavior for the better by manipulating the value of currency. H. G. Wells reacts by abandoning science fiction and devotes the rest of his life to writing Westerns.
1914	115	Hagen re-elected (first full term). Woodrow Wilson killed in student riot.